My Name is Samantha Spade
by hurricanerosie
Summary: Samantha's Diary. She tell us where she is and how she got there. MS & JS.
1. Jack

_Disclaimer: I do not own Without a Trace or any of the characters._

_Note: This was a little idea I had I hope you like it. There's MartinSam and JackSam so no gets left out but I haven't decided on an ending yet so…_

_Contains season 1 spoilers but season 2 or 3 never happen as far as this story is concerned._

_As I said I hope you like it! Please review because it means so much to me and I value your insight. Thanks!_

My name is Samantha Spade. I'm 32, I live in New York City and I'm an FBI Agent.

Right now my best friend, Danny Taylor, isn't talking to me because he found out I'm sleeping with our co-worker Martin Fitzgerald.

Ok, well not just that, he found out I'm sleeping with our boss, Jack Malone, at the same time.

Dangerous territory you say? You've got no idea. Did I mention that's Jack's married with children?

Oh wait, there not my biggest problem. My biggest problem is that I'm most probably pregnant as I skipped my last 2 periods. I know I should take a test but I can't bring myself to do it.

You wanna know how I got myself into this mess? Ok, here it goes…

It was about 4 years ago, before Martin joined our team, I had stayed late to do paperwork and then I looked up and saw Jack's desk light was on.

As I entered his office he looked up and smiled then turned back to his paperwork I sat down at the chair on the other side of his desk and steadied his hand to stop him writing. He took both of my hands in his and just looked at me.

Now next I took a risk, I leaned across the desk and locked my lips with his. He responded instantly and it felt like the most natural thing in the world, you know.

I broke the kiss and went round to his side of the desk. He stood and whispered "We can't do this here" in my ear. I pulled him into me and kissed him some more before whispering "My place" in his ear.

I figured 'leave him wanting more' so with that I walked out and drove home as fast as I could. Jack knew where mine was n followed a little later.

I was so nervous he wouldn't turn up or he would and then we'd start kissing again and when we turned it up notch he'd go all guilty and leave. But he didn't _and _he was amazing, if you know what I mean.

We crept around for about 5 months after but then one night I invited him over to mine again and he said he couldn't. That he was hurting his family and couldn't live with that. I told him "Fine." but it wasn't. I was heartbroken. Never let him know that though or anyone else.

Then about a year after he ended the 'affair' all our feelings got thrown up in the air again. First when Jack was subject to an OPR investigation. They asked me if anything happened between us and I told them no. Nothing came out of that.

A couple of weeks after OPR were sniffing around we had a ransom drop-off go bad. I was supposed to be covering if anything went wrong but it didn't go down that way. Before I knew it I knew it this guy, Richard, was reaching for the gun I'd stashed. The hostage taker, Barry, saw and then bullets started flying around; one hit me in my leg.

I was losing blood really quickly and was in a critical condition. Then I hear Jack shouting from outside the doors that he wants to trade himself for me. Barry eventually agreed and it really all seems like a blur but I remember Jack carrying me out of the bookstore and placing me on a bench. He saved my life

That whole experience made me realise I loved Jack and for some reason made Jack realise he needed to be with his family. He didn't come and visit me once in hospital and was really cold to me when I went back to work.

The Jack saga doesn't end there but I'll tell you a bit about Martin Fitzgerald first…

_TBC.._

_Hope it's ok. I'll update soon._


	2. Martin

With Martin it wasn't really an 'I want you now thing'. It was more a progression of our relationship from friends to more than friends.

He asked me out one day when we both had the day off so he took me to the movies and we saw 'Catch Me If You Can'. Not the best film to see with a prospective girlfriend as she's just gonna be drooling over Leonardo Di Caprio the whole movie but aside from that it was quite fun.

Obviously not wanting to move to quickly and scare me, Martin just draped his arm over the back of my chair through-out the movie but wasn't apposed to the fact that I rested my head on his shoulder near the end.

After the movie had ended we went for a walk in Central Park and grabbed some hot dogs from a vender. It's not that Martin's cheap, in fact he offered to take me to a very fancy restaurant for lunch, I suggested the hot dogs.

As we were walking through the park he took my hand and we made conversation about work and home. It started raining so we made a dash for my apartment.

I invited him in and we drank coffee and talked some more. Eventually it got late and he said he had to go but then I kissed him and all that changed.

After we started a 'relationship' it felt like the only time I saw Martin outside of work was when we were in bed. He didn't take me out and we never just talked.

Suppose Jack never took he out either but he had his reasons, Martin didn't. I'll tell you more about Jack if you really wanna know…


	3. Jack, again

_Disclaimer: I don't own them or Mariah Carey's Hero for that matter._

_Note: Thank you for the reviews. I'm ecstatically happy. But keep reveiwing or i may get depressed :(_

So I'd been in a 'relationship' with Martin for about 6 months - not that Jack knew, for an FBI agent he's not that perspective – and someone was retiring at the bureau so there was a party.

I'd been shopping at Bloomingdales for some new work suits and had bumped into a luscious, champagne-pink dress that I _had _to have so I was wearing that.

After Martin had slow-danced me, Jack insisted it was his turn. Mariah Carey's Hero filled the room and I knew this would be a night to remember. I stepped into his embrace and felt his body close to mine.

I was disappointed when I realised the song was drawing to a close. Then Jack told me I looked beautiful and I swear to god my heart skipped a beat.

Another song started and we were still dancing and he proceeded to tell me that we didn't have to stay at the party all night. I managed to mussel out 'Could we get some dinner?'. He nodded and told me to meet him outside in 10 minutes.

I made a quick b-line for the door, avoiding Danny as I knew he'd kidnap me and make me engage in uncomfortable conversation. On my way out I decided to make a quick trip to the ladies room to fix my hair and apply more lip gloss.

When I immerged Jack was waiting outside and he took my hand as we wandered towards a quaint Chinese restaurant where we talked over prawn fried rice and chicken chow mein.

When we arrived back at my apartment Jack simply kissed me good night but our parting kiss ended up being early the next morning.

I guess your gonna wanna know how Danny found out. It's really quite embarrassing…

_Note: More soon. Please reveiw!_


	4. Danny

_Disclaimer: I don't own Without A Trace._

_Note: Thanks for all the reveiws! This is dedicated to everyone who has posted one and to Mandy._

Well, I told Danny about Martin straight off. That didn't need to be kept a secret. No marriages or jobs at stake there but when he found out about Jack, it was in the worst possible way.

Me and Jack had been flirting all day and when I had gone to his office to discuss the case – no really – our desires got the best of us and we ended up making out in a corner.

What we didn't count on was Danny coming in without knocking. The fact that my shirt was open and my legs were wrapped around Jack didn't leave much room for interpretation.

Danny took one look at the scene and walked back out.

After work he came round to my apartment demanding to know what the hell that had been. He didn't take it well when I got smart and told him 'Exactly what it looked like.' He shouted at me telling me that screwing around with Jack was not fair on Martin.

I kindly explained that there was no harm done as neither man knew about the other. He told me he wasn't going to talk to me outside of work until I broke it off with one of them.

And that's the way it's been for a week now because I can't choose between Martin and Jack.

I made a decision about something though. Tomorrow I am going to buy a pregnancy test. Not that I'll know whose it is if I am pregnant…

TBC

_Note: I realise Jack and Sam probably would never be that unprofessional and stupid but it's my story so they are! Lol! _


	5. Testing

_Disclaimer: I do not own WaT or any of it's characters. Damn!_

_Note: I know it's been ages and ages since I posted an update and sorry about that but here is the next chapter. It's really short and I think the next one is too so I'll post the both at once._

I am sat in my bathroom having just pissed on a stick. I have to wait 3 minutes and I'm dreading the result.

I'm pretty positive it's gonna be positive and I am, therefore, royally screwed. I don't know who the father is. Or who I want it to be for that matter.

If it's Martin's I don't know if he'd be a good dad. He's kinda a little work orientated but he did tell me once that he wanted a family so I guess he'd be an ok dad.

If it's Jack's, well, I'm not gonna lie to you and tell you he's already the greatest dad ever, because he's not. He spends most of his time at work or with me but if there's one thing I know about Jack Malone it's that he loves his girls more than you could possibly describe so I guess he'd be a good dad.

Oh. My. God. It's time…

TBC…

_Note: Please do me favour and hit the review button cause reviews give me incentive to continue writing! Thanks!_


	6. I Need Help

_Disclaimer: Blah blah I don't own it blah blah…_

_Note: Hope you liked the last chapter and again this is an incy chapter although from reading what I've written they're all incy chapters so I'm gonna post 2 at a time from now on._

It's positive. What did I say! Now I have the problem of telling the potential fathers and I have no idea how to.

It's bad enough walking up to someone your seeing and saying: "Hi! I'm pregnant." Without the added: "Oh, but it might not be yours."

As if the male ego isn't fragile enough! That's like saying: "You weren't satisfying me so I went elsewhere." That would kill a guy.

With Jack there is the added bonus that he's married and with Martin the bonus is that I get the impression he's not ready to settle down yet.

This is gonna be so hard.

What if, say I end up with Martin and then in 9 months my baby is born and it's very clearly Jack's? That would break Martin's heart, and vice-versa.

There's only one thing to do at a time like this. Call your best friend…

TBC…

_Note: Please review and I'll love you for ever more!_


	7. Phone call

_Disclaimer: I don't own without a trace or any of the characters._

_Note: Hello everyone! I haven't written in what feels like years because I've had a long spell of writers block but I'm back now and I hope you all enjoy the next parts of this story. I have to thank my beta Diane cause she's fab! Please review so I have an incentive to keep going. Lol._

_---_

Danny was really mean with me on the phone. I didn't even get a 'hello' just "So you've chosen?" when I explained that, "No, actually I haven't." His voice rose slightly and he started asking what I was doing calling him.

I told him I'm pregnant and don't know what to do because I don't know who the father is. At first he was quite snotty and 'I told you so' but eventually he softened up and offered to come over to console me and to help me decide what to do.

So I'm here waiting for him. I hope he's got some idea of how to approach this because I'm completely clueless…

TBC…


	8. Help is at hand

_Disclaimer: See last chapter_

_Note: So I'm being kind and giving you a few chapters at once but it wont happen again unless you're kind and review!_

_---_

So Danny rushed straight over with pizza and chocolate to help me out and right away made me feel better.

We discussed my options, and when Danny brought up termination I was completely shocked and disgusted. I could never do that. Inside of me there is a person and that would be like murder.

I know I want to keep the baby but that's about all I know. I don't know how I'm going to tell Jack or Martin and I definitely don't know what I'm going to do when this baby is born.

I love my job and I really want to keep it but I don't know how I'll manage if I'm all alone raising a child. Being an agent is really demanding and I don't think there's anyway I'm going to be able to handle that and being a mom. I just won't have the time.

Danny persuaded me to take it a couple of steps at a time. First I have to tell Martin and Jack, then I can worry about what's going to go on in the future. I don't know how supportive either of them will be and I don't even know how they'll react.

So I'm going to meet Martin for coffee tomorrow morning and then Jack for lunch. Better to get everything over with quickly. I'll have two huge weights off my mind by tomorrow afternoon…

TBC..


	9. Telling Martin

_Disclaimer: See last chapter._

_Note: Oh ok, one more but only cause I'm proud of myself and all the writing I did. Review if you please :-)_

_---_

I was early to Starbucks this morning. I sat there for about half an hour alone before Martin showed up. He could tell right away something was up then again it wasn't hard to see. My eyes were bloodshot from lack of sleep and I was so nervous I was shaking.

I felt like the most horrible person in the world. I knew Martin was going to take this badly. As far as he was concerned we were exclusive, so I basically cheated on him. I didn't really see it as a relationship, though—not the way he did.

Martin was leaning forward in his seat with his arm around me asking me what was wrong. When I told him I was pregnant, he flopped back into his seat and was just staring into space for what seemed like ages.

After stuttering for a while he managed to finally say 'How? We were… we were… careful.' I felt so bad. I had just dropped a giant bomb on him and that was only the beginning.

He was just staring at me and I just blurted out that I didn't know if the baby was his. The look on his face I don't think I'll ever forget. It portrayed hurt and betrayal all mixed up with anger.

I guess the anger must have taken over because next thing I know he's practically shouting at me asking who else could be the father because I didn't inform him I wanted us to see other people.

By now I was crying, wondering if this could possibly get any worse, but as it turns out it could. I decided I should tell him the 'other guy' was Jack so I did and he did not take it well at all. Whoever said honesty is the best policy has clearly never been in my situation.

Martin stood up and just started screaming at me. He was so angry and he just kept repeating over and over that I couldn't do this to him and why out of every man in New York did it have to be Jack Malone? Everyone around us was staring and I just sat there bawling, having no idea what to do to stop this humiliation.

He took his coat off the back of his chair and put it on, then he turned around and gave me the foulest look you could imagine before leaving. I wanted to go after him and explain but I knew there was no point; all I would get would be more abuse. I decided to leave it until later, let him calm down a little first.

All that was left to do was drink my herbal tea and then head to the restaurant where I was having lunch with Jack, all the while praying that encounter would go better…

TBC…


	10. Telling Jack

_Disclaimer: Don't own it la la la_

_Note : Thank you to all the fabulous reviewers and thank you to Diane my wonderful beta. Hope you like this next chapter and I appreciate all reviews!_

_---_

When I got to the restaurant I was surprised to find Jack already seated at our table. I was hoping I would be able to sit alone for a while and work out a plan of action but apparently that wasn't going to happen.

I decided to take it slow with Jack; we could talk for a while first before I ruined his life. For some strange reason, I was a lot more relaxed. I knew I shouldn't be; after all, this baby could cause him to lose everything: his wife, his kids, his job. I think I frightened myself thinking about all that because suddenly I found myself very nervous again.

We had ordered and were waiting for our food when I decided that then would be a good time to start breaking the news. I think by now he had realised something was wrong because the look on his face suddenly got very concerned.

I took a deep breath and then told him I was pregnant. He looked completely shocked but thankfully didn't freak out. He went down the support route saying 'Wow, I'm completely shocked. I had no idea. Are you ok?' I explained that I was fine but that that wasn't the last of my news.

Jack had a little joke, saying he had no idea why he was telling me this after the news of my pregnancy because what could be bigger than that, but when I told him he might not be the father, I think realisation of the whole thing set in.

He managed to stay calm, unlike Martin, and carried on the conversation, asking who else it could be. When I explained I had actually been seeing Martin for about a year, he went kind of white.

Jack started apologising for coming between me and Martin and saying that if he had known, he wouldn't have started things up with us again. As our lunch arrived, he asked what I planned to do.

Now this was where I got stuck. I hadn't planned this far ahead so I improvised, saying to Jack 'I'm just hoping to get both your support for whatever happens or could happen in the future.'

He smiled at me and told me he was behind me whatever. In classic Jack style, the mood was again lifted by him telling me I had better start eating more than just salads because I might be carrying his child and he couldn't have his baby being malnourished.

We finished up lunch laughing and joking and Jack really took my mind of the fiasco with Martin. As we parted, Jack placed his hand on my stomach and planted a kiss on my forehead and for the first time since I found out I was pregnant, I actually felt happy about this baby.

As I left Jack, my mind was plagued with thoughts of Martin and cleaning up the mess I had made with that encounter. I set off on my way to his apartment to try and set things right…

_TBC_


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